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你是李华,你校学生会即将组织一次徒步活动,已在校园网发布方案,征求师生的修改意见...

你是李华,你校学生会即将组织一次徒步活动,已在校园网发布方案,征求师生的修改意见。你需要写一 封邮件,包含以下两点:

1. 提出你觉得需要改进的地方;

2. 需要改进的原因。

徒步活动主题:发现重庆

时间:51日下午2

路线:从人民大礼堂(the Great Hall of the People)到解放碑、(Liberation Monument),全程徒步。

注意:

1. 词数100左右;

2. 可适当增加细节,以使行文连贯;

3. 开头和结尾已给出,不计入总词数。

Dear Sir/Madam,

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Yours sincerely,

Li Hua

 

Dear Sir/Madam, I’m really excited to hear that a hiking activity from the Great Hall of the People to the Liberation Monument is going to be held on the Labor Day holiday.However, there may be further improvement of the scheme you’ve posted on the campus website,as I’d like to point out. First of all, the hike needs to be planned in more details as the information released online appears to be too general. As participants, we need to know how long the hike will last.In the mean time, we are willing to have a clearer picture of security precautions and necessary medical support for the activity.Only by doing so are you likely to make it a success.What’s more, I suggest the hike be more suited to the theme “Discover Chongqing” through additional activities. I propose an introduction of the architecture on Chaotianmen Square.By appreciating the artistic style of the landmark, we can gain a deeper insight into the prosperity of our city. All in all, if the hike is organized in more details and in a more supportive way, it is sure to succeed.I hope that my voice above can be heard and considered and wish the activity a great success. Yours sincerely, Li Hua 【解析】 本篇书面表达属于应用文,要求李华写一封邮件,对徒步活动方案提出修改意见。 第一步:审题 体裁:建议信 人称:第一人称 时态:一般将来时;一般现在时 要点: 1.听说学校徒步方案,指出有待改进。 2.需改进的地方和具体原因。 第二部 列要点 写提纲 Para. 1 be excited to hear that…; is going to be held; further improvement; post on the campus website Para. 2 plan in details; have a clearer picture of sth; security precautions; medical support; propose an introduction of sth; gain a deeper insight into sth Para. 3 in a more supportive way; be sure to succeed; 第三步 连词成句 1. I’m really excited to hear that a hiking activity from the Great Hall of the People to the Liberation Monument is going to be held on the Labor Day holiday. 2. There may be further improvement of the scheme you’ve posted on the campus website. 3. The hike needs to be planned in more details as the information released online appears to be too general. 4. We need to know how long the hike will last. 5. We are willing to have a clearer picture of security precautions and necessary medical support for the activity. 6. I suggest the hike be more suited to the theme “Discover Chongqing” through additional activities. I propose an introduction of the architecture on Chaotianmen Square. 7. When we appreciate the artistic style of the landmark, we can gain a deeper insight into the prosperity of our city. 8. If the hike is organized in more details and in a more supportive way, it is sure to succeed. 9. I hope that my voice above can be heard and considered and wish the activity a great success. 第四步 润色提高 1. 添加关联表达 However; First of all; In the meantime; What’s more; All in all 2.句式升级 However, there may be further improvement of the scheme you’ve posted on the campus website, as I’d like to point out. As participants, we need to know how long the hike will last. Only by doing so are you likely to make it a success. By appreciating the artistic style of the landmark, we can gain a deeper insight into the prosperity of our city. 第四步 漂亮书写
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