Question

    Like a lot of health-care professionals, Dr. Brian Goldman finds it extremely difficult to draw boundaries between his work and personal lives. “There’s this view that you should suck it up and do one more thing,” says the ER physician and host of CBC’s White Coat, Black Art. But that “one more thing” often comes at Goldman’s expense.

“You’re exhausted and a patient or their family look at you with begging eyes,” he says. “So you have this dilemma: say that your shift is over or give until you’re totally spent?” Goldman’s work stress combined with family tension after his mother was diagnosed with dementia 20 years ago. Caring for her over a decade was difficult, as was dealing with his father’s grief. “When someone else is drowning you, you have to grab a life preserver and save yourself,” says Goldman.

Setting boundaries isn’t just important for busy professionals; everyone can benefit from managing situations that cause undue stress or pain. Here are some tips.

First, “If someone’s behavior makes you unhappy --- and it could be anything from the way they speak to you to repeatedly failing to stick to their promise --- then there’s room to set limits,” says Patrick Keelan, a Calgary psychologist. We often avoid setting limits because we prioritize the happiness and comfort of others over ours. In order to control t hi s  im pul se, Goldman suggests framing the development of boundaries as a form of self-kindness. When facing an overwhelming situation like the one he was in with his father, Goldman suggests reflecting on what is making you feel uncomfortable, unhappy or  unappreciated. “You can’t relate to others or be kind to others if you aren’t kind to yourself,” he says.

Second, once you’ve become aware of your needs, setting and maintaining boundaries requir es clear verbal communication. There are three obstacles to enforcing boundaries in a relationship: fear, guilt and self-doubt, says psychologist Nicole MaCance. We often fear that if we set limits, the other person will reject us, or we feel bad claiming our needs. Keelan proposes setting ground rules before relationships become tense. Start by cooperatively listing values --- like mutual respect, support, and loyalty --- and then building the guidelines from these values. If you’re struggling to reach a consensus, Keelan recommends engaging a third party, such as a therapist, to help.

Now, if you want a boundary to stick to, you can’t enable someone in breaking it. As such, it’s crucial to establish consequences for  transgressions ( 越轨).  Otherwise,  McMance says,  “you’re giving them permission to violate that boundary.” If they won’t respect your boundaries, you have to do some soul- searching about the value of the relationship. “When you feel bad more than you feel good in this person’s presence, and when the relationship is impacting your self-worth and happiness, it’s time to reassess,” says McCance. Saying no is hard, but she suggests framing it as saying yes to healthier relationships. “We’re all better mothers and partners and brothers when we have boundaries.”

1.What do we know about Goldman?

A. He is in need of support in his work.

B. He is caught between his work and life.

C. He slides into the state of desperation.

D. He always puts his family at the first place.

2.What do the underlined words “this impulse” refer to?

A. prioritizing others’ happiness B. avoiding setting limits

C. failing to stick to their promise D. framing the development of boundaries

3.What’s the best title of the passage?

A. Do communicate. B. Do not cross.

C. Identify your limits. D. Say no and mean it.

Answer

1.B

2.A

3.B

【解析】

这是一篇议论文。文章提到设定界限对忙碌的职场人士很重要。同时作者给出两点保持界限的建议：第一是设限，第二是清晰的口头沟通。作者认为当我们有界限的时候，我们都是更好的母亲、更好的伴侣、更好的兄弟。

1.细节理解题。根据第一段第一句Goldman finds it extremely difficult to draw boundaries between his work and personal lives可知Goldman发现他很难在他的工作和个人生活之间划清界限。因此答案选择B。

2.词义猜测题。根据划线部分含义为“这种冲动”，那么这种冲动是什么要根据前一句提到的是we prioritize the happiness and comfort of others over ours可知是指“我们把他人的快乐和舒适放在首位”，故选A。

3.主旨大意题。根据最后一句We’re all better mothers and partners and brothers when we have boundaries.可知作者认为当我们有界限的时候，我们都是更好的母亲、更好的伴侣、更好的兄弟。且结合文章内容为一致讲到界限边界，提醒人们在处理人和人之间关系的时候不要越界。因此选择B最为符合。