Question

假如你是红星中学高二（1）班李华，下面四幅图描述了近期你看到骑公共自行车“绿色出行”

的宣传后所采取的行动。请根据图片的先后顺序，为校刊“英语园地”写一篇短文。

Answer

One possible version：

Being driven by my father to school one day, I suddenly noticed many public bicycles parked along the road in my neighborhood. Behind them on the wall was a sign reading “Green Travel”. Feeling it my duty to do something, I told my father that I would give up his car and rent a bike instead.

Back home that day, I searched the Internet for information about how and where to rent a bike. I found out that there was a rental service nearby, where I could apply for a rental card. The next day I headed toward it immediately after school. To be honest, I was a bit surprised to find quite a few people lining up there for the cards. I joined them and finally got one. The next day I first rode a bike to the subway station and then took the subway to school.

The bicycle seat is not as comfortable as a car seat, but I feel proud that I am doing something for the environment.

【解析】

本篇书面表达考察图画式写作。

根据提示可知本文为图画式作文，命题者要求学生根据图片内容写一篇短文。因为出题者没有提出具体的写作话题，所以需要学生自己观察图片提炼出主要话题进行写作。分析图片可知它主要讲为保护环境，一个青少年积极参与“绿色出行”活动的故事。此类作文的结构往往采用三段式，第一段简要讲述故事发生的时间，地点及人物。第二段是故事的主要部分。第三段是故事的结尾部分，然后用一到两句话说明自己的感受，结束全文，升华主题。在在行文构思中，注意过渡词和各种句型的搭配使用，确保文章层次清晰，结构严谨。

【亮点说明】

本范文结构清晰，最大的特色是灵活使用各种句型结构。例如现在分词作状语Being driven by my father to school one day及Feeling it my duty to do something，过去分词作后置定语many public bicycles parked along the road in my neighborhood，完全倒装句Behind them on the wall was a sign reading “Green Travel”. Where引导的非限制性定语从句where I could apply for a rental card.等等。 其次是文章中使用Back home that day和The next day等短语表明故事按照时间顺序发展，向阅卷老师展示了清晰的结构。最后是文章中一些过渡短语和固定结构选用的非常好，如give up his car，To be honest，as comfortable as a car seat和feel proud that等。第二段中的I was a bit surprised to find quite a few people lining up there for the cards中使用了“主语+be+adj.+to do sth.”的句型，并且包含了一个现在分词做后置定语的成分，充分展现了作者深厚的作文功底，无可争议地提高了文章的档次。