Question

    My younger daughter, age 5, made a failed attempt during a recent school-night bedtime routine. In retaliation (报复) for my insistence that she actually stay in bed, she uttered the classic pint-sized revolutionary cry: ''You're not in charge of me! ''

''I am, actually, '' I replied as I gently guided her back into bed. ''I am in charge of keeping you safe and also helping you thrive (茁壮成长), which means making sure you get a good night's sleep and a whole lot more. ''

I knew what I meant by ''more'' even if she didn't. I made a personal, unwritten covenant (契约) with my daughters, and even society, to do my part to raise two happy, virtuous, inspirational adults. And that requires teaching a good deal of life wisdom, role modeling and, at times, imposing behavior.

We are the boss. We can also be our kids' friend, sometimes. And we are always their teacher and coach. And don't forget lifeguard.

But we're in charge, even if we don't want to be. And it seems a lot of parents don't want to be.

I've noticed that for various reasons (trying to be cool/nice/laid back, maybe laziness, maybe in opposition to being raised with too many rules themselves) , many parents let their children call too many shots. I'm talking about screen time, bedtime, purchases, meal options and all the rest of it.

Letting kids decide these matters usually leads to poor outcomes for the kids themselves. A permissive parenting style leads to impulsive behavior, egocentrism (唯我主义) and poor social skills, according to Diana Baumrind, a developmental psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley.

Baumrind, one of the leading researchers on this topic, described the ideal parenting style as ''authoritative, '' neither too permissive nor too controlling. An authoritative parent has clear rules and high expectations while being warm and supportive and valuing in dependence. If we can do that for our children, her research showed, they will have greater self-esteem, social skills and academic performance.

The ideal, in other words, is a Buddhist Middle Way where we are in control but foster (培养) independence.

But independence is not the same as giving them what their little id (本我) brains want all the time. Children may seem happy about getting their way, but it's actually an insecure world for them to inhabit where adults don't seem fully in charge.

Young kids' brains are not up to the task of making the best decisions anyway. From age 2 until 7, according to the pioneering child developmental psychologist Jean Piaget, a child naturally engages in egocentrism and ''magical thinking''—believing that they can affect the world with their thoughts—but not critical thinking. From about age 8 to 11, kids tend to actively seek rules, limits and boundaries―but from parents and teachers, not from themselves; they want adults to draw the lines they can safely color in.

Typically, after age 11, critical thinking emerges. Real involvement in rules and limits can effectively begin then, but even teenagers need the assurance that you will always steer them in the right directions.

We also know that real life is full of rules—legal, societal, ethical (moral) or just politeness—and either we teach them or they will eventually be set straight in less-loving environments such as the playground, the principal's office, in front of a judge or in a professional boss’ office.

And being in charge doesn't mean we need to micromanage behavior or be unkind. We should build in plenty of personal freedom and remain motivated by deep love and affection. But we must also be on top it, guiding them toward success.

Be a great boss to your kids. Mentor them. Give them opportunities to develop and shine. Always have their backs. Never fire them. Show them who's boss in the most caring of ways.

1.Many parents let their children call too many shots probably because ________.

A.they are cool and indifferent to their children

B.they want children to live with fewer rules

C.they are busy with meal options and so on

D.they believe it will lead to good outcomes

2.The psychologist Baumrind believes that ________.

A.children are definitely to be ruined by permissive parenting style

B.rules are absolutely prior to anything in authoritative parenting

C.authoritative parents have to let children live independently

D.an ideal way means giving children-controlled independence

3.From age 2 to 11, children usually ________.

A.do not have the ability to make decisions yet

B.have no idea of rules, limits or boundaries at all

C.need parents and teachers to draw lines for them

D.know how to steer themselves in right directions

4.To be a great boss to his/her children, a parent needs to ________.

A.micromanage everything or be unkind sometimes

B.guide children to success on the basis of deep love

C.win as many opportunities as possible to shine

D.let children know ''who is the boss'' in every way

5.What is the author's attitude towards parent's being in charge of children?

A.Supportive. B.Critical.

C.Ambiguous. D.Indifferent.

6.What can we learn from this passage?

A.Ideal parents arc those neither too permissive nor too controlling.

B.Children under age 11 should not be allowed to make decisions.

C.Psychologists show children's self-esteem is from independence.

D.Adults are responsible to teach children all the rules in real life.

Answer

1.B

2.D

3.C

4.B

5.A

6.A

【解析】

这是一篇夹叙夹议的文章。全篇文章作者都在家长成为孩子的管理者这一前提下，探讨如何让家长变成更好的管理者。作者认可的是控制和放任并用的方式。家长既不应过分控制，也不应该过分放任。

1.推理判断题。根据第六段的I've noticed that for various reasons (trying to be cool/nice/laid back, maybe laziness, maybe in opposition to being raised with too many rules themselves) , many parents let their children call too many shots.(我注意到，由于各种各样的原因（试图表现得很酷/很好/很悠闲，也许是懒惰，也许是反对自己在太多规则的环境中长大），许多父母让孩子发号施令)可知，父母让孩子发号施令的原因之一可能是想让孩子在较少的规则中长大。B. they want children to live with fewer rules(他们想孩子在较少的规则中长大)符合以上说法，故选B项。

2.推理判断题。根据第八段的An authoritative parent has clear rules and high expectations while being warm and supportive and valuing in dependence.(有威望的父母有明确的规则和很高的期待，同时又热情，支持和重视依赖)可推测，Baumrind 认为，一个合适的方式就是让孩子拥有可控制的独立。D. an ideal way means giving children-controlled independence(一个理想的方式意味着让孩子拥有可控制的独立)符合以上推测，故选D项。

3.细节理解题。根据第11段的From age 2 until 7, according to the pioneering child developmental psychologist Jean Piaget, a child naturally engages in egocentrism and ''magical thinking''—believing that they can affect the world with their thoughts—but not critical thinking. From about age 8 to 11, kids tend to actively seek rules, limits and boundaries―but from parents and teachers, not from themselves; they want adults to draw the lines they can safely color in.(从2到7岁，儿童天生就有自我中心主义和“神奇思维”——相信他们可以用自己的想法改变世界——但不是批判性思维。从大约8到11岁，孩子们倾向于主动寻求规则、限制和界限——但不是从他们自己，而是从父母和老师那里。他们希望成年人可以画出他们可以放心上色的线条)可知，2到11岁的孩子通常需要家长和老师为他们设定规则、现实和界限，即需要老师和家长为他们画出线条。C. need parents and teachers to draw lines for them(需要父母和老师为他们划线)符合以上说法，故选C项。

4.推理判断题。根据倒数第二段的We should build in plenty of personal freedom and remain motivated by deep love and affection. But we must also be on top it, guiding them toward success. (我们应该建立足够的个人自由，并保持深深的爱和热情。但是我们必须做到最好，引导他们走向成功)可知，要成为孩子的良师益友，父母应该在爱的基础上引导他们走向成功。B. guide children to success on the basis of deep love(以爱为基础引导他们走向成功)符合以上说法，故选B项。

5.推理判断题。根据第四五段的We are the boss. We can also be our kids' friend, sometimes. And we are always their teacher and coach. And don't forget lifeguard. But we're in charge, even if we don't want to be. (我们是老板，有时我们也可以成为孩子的朋友。我们永远是他们的老师和教练，不要忘了救生员的身份。但我们是掌权者，即使我们不想成为掌权者。)可推测，作者赞成父母管理孩子。A. Supportive.(支持的)符合以上说法，故选A项。

6.推理判断题。根据四五段的We are the boss. We can also be our kids' friend, sometimes.( 我们是老板，有时我们也可以成为孩子的朋友。我们永远是他们的老师和教练)和第八段的An authoritative parent has clear rules and high expectations while being warm and supportive and valuing in dependence.(有威望的父母有明确的规则和很高的期待，同时又热情，支持和重视依赖)可推测，一个理想的父母是既不过分控制，也不过分放任。A. Ideal parents arc those neither too permissive nor too controlling.( 一个理想的父母是既不过分控制，也不过分放任)符合以上推测，故选A项。