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The Age of Envy: How to Be Happy When Everyone Else's Life Looks Perfect
We live in the age of envy. Career envy, kitchen envy, children envy, food envy, upper ay envy, holiday envy. You name it, there's an envy for it. Human beings have always felt what Aristotle defined in the 4th century BC as pain at the sight of another's good fortune, stirred by the feeling of ''those who have what we ought to have''.
But with social media, says Ethan Kross, professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, ''envy is being taken to an extreme. '' We are constantly bombarded by ''photoshopped lives, '' he says, ''and that exerts a toll on us the likes of which we have never experienced in the history of our species. ''
Clinical psychological Rachel Andrew says she is seeing more and more envy in her consulting room, from people who ''can't achieve the lifestyle they want but which they see others have. '' Our use of platforms including Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat, she says, amplifies (放大) this deeply disturbing psychological discord (失调), ''I think what social media has done is make everyone accessible for comparison, '' she explains. ''In the past, people might have just envied their neighbors, but now we can compare ourselves with everyone across the world. ''
And those comparisons are now much less realistic. Andrew has observed among her patients that knowing they are looking at an edited version of reality is no defense against the emotional force of envy. ''What I notice is that most of us can intellectualize what we see on social media platforms—we know that these images and narratives that are presented aren't real, we can talk about it and rationalize it—but on an emotional level, it's still pushing buttons. If those images or narratives tap into what we aspire to, but what we don't have, then it becomes very powerful. ''
According to Dryden, a cognitive behavioral therapist, when it comes to the kind of envy inspired by social media, there are two factors that make a person more vulnerable (易受伤害的): low self-esteem and deprivation intolerance, which describes the experience of being unable to bear not getting what you want. To overcome this, he says, think about what you would teach a child. The aim is to develop a philosophy, a way of being in the world, which allows you to recognize when someone else has something that you want but don't have, and also to recognize that you can survive without it, and that not having it does not make you less worthy or less of a person.
We could also try to change the way we habitually use social media. Kross explains that most the time, People use Facebook passively and just idly, lazily reading instead of posting, messaging or commenting. ''That is interesting when you realize it is the passive usage that is supposed to be more harmful than the active. The links between passive usage and feeling worse are very robust—we have huge data sets involving tens of thousands of people, he says. While it is less clear how active usage affects well-being, there does seem to be a small positive link, he explains, between using Facebook to connect with others and feeling better.
Dryden differentiates between unhealthy envy and its healthy forms, which, he says, ''can be creative. '' Just as hunger tells us we need to eat, the feeling of envy, if we can listen to it in the right way, could show us what is missing from our lives that really matters to us, Kross explains. Andrew says, ''It is about naming it as an emotion, knowing how it feels, and then not interpreting it as a positive or a negative, but trying to understand what it is telling you that you want. If that is achievable, you could take proper steps towards achieving it. But at the same time, ask yourself, what would be good enough? ''
The Age of Envy: How to Be Happy When Everyone Else's Life Looks Perfect | |
Introduction | ●1. is the feeling that you wish you had something that someone else has. ● It was 2. by Aristotle as the pain of seeing another's good fortune, stirred by the feeling of ''those who have what we ought to have''. |
New problems with envy in the age of social media | ● Social media is taking envy to an extreme by making everyone accessible for 3.. ● People are so much disturbed by envy that an increasing number of them have to consult doctors. ● Full knowledge of false comparisons still can't 4. people from envy, and those with low self-esteem and deprivation intolerance are more likely to fall 5.. |
Possible ways to 6. the pain | ● Learn to recognize that it's 7. that someone else has something you want but don't have. ● Learn to recognize that without the thing you can still survive and you are still a useful person. ● Change the way we use social media from just passively reading to 8. posting, messaging or commenting. |
Conclusion | ● We should distinguish unhealthy envy from its healthy forms. ● When envy appears. 9. we can listen to it properly, it won't show us what really matters to us. ● We should take proper steps to feel and understand envy instead of 10. it arbitrarily. |
My younger daughter, age 5, made a failed attempt during a recent school-night bedtime routine. In retaliation (报复) for my insistence that she actually stay in bed, she uttered the classic pint-sized revolutionary cry: ''You're not in charge of me! ''
''I am, actually, '' I replied as I gently guided her back into bed. ''I am in charge of keeping you safe and also helping you thrive (茁壮成长), which means making sure you get a good night's sleep and a whole lot more. ''
I knew what I meant by ''more'' even if she didn't. I made a personal, unwritten covenant (契约) with my daughters, and even society, to do my part to raise two happy, virtuous, inspirational adults. And that requires teaching a good deal of life wisdom, role modeling and, at times, imposing behavior.
We are the boss. We can also be our kids' friend, sometimes. And we are always their teacher and coach. And don't forget lifeguard.
But we're in charge, even if we don't want to be. And it seems a lot of parents don't want to be.
I've noticed that for various reasons (trying to be cool/nice/laid back, maybe laziness, maybe in opposition to being raised with too many rules themselves) , many parents let their children call too many shots. I'm talking about screen time, bedtime, purchases, meal options and all the rest of it.
Letting kids decide these matters usually leads to poor outcomes for the kids themselves. A permissive parenting style leads to impulsive behavior, egocentrism (唯我主义) and poor social skills, according to Diana Baumrind, a developmental psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley.
Baumrind, one of the leading researchers on this topic, described the ideal parenting style as ''authoritative, '' neither too permissive nor too controlling. An authoritative parent has clear rules and high expectations while being warm and supportive and valuing in dependence. If we can do that for our children, her research showed, they will have greater self-esteem, social skills and academic performance.
The ideal, in other words, is a Buddhist Middle Way where we are in control but foster (培养) independence.
But independence is not the same as giving them what their little id (本我) brains want all the time. Children may seem happy about getting their way, but it's actually an insecure world for them to inhabit where adults don't seem fully in charge.
Young kids' brains are not up to the task of making the best decisions anyway. From age 2 until 7, according to the pioneering child developmental psychologist Jean Piaget, a child naturally engages in egocentrism and ''magical thinking''—believing that they can affect the world with their thoughts—but not critical thinking. From about age 8 to 11, kids tend to actively seek rules, limits and boundaries―but from parents and teachers, not from themselves; they want adults to draw the lines they can safely color in.
Typically, after age 11, critical thinking emerges. Real involvement in rules and limits can effectively begin then, but even teenagers need the assurance that you will always steer them in the right directions.
We also know that real life is full of rules—legal, societal, ethical (moral) or just politeness—and either we teach them or they will eventually be set straight in less-loving environments such as the playground, the principal's office, in front of a judge or in a professional boss’ office.
And being in charge doesn't mean we need to micromanage behavior or be unkind. We should build in plenty of personal freedom and remain motivated by deep love and affection. But we must also be on top it, guiding them toward success.
Be a great boss to your kids. Mentor them. Give them opportunities to develop and shine. Always have their backs. Never fire them. Show them who's boss in the most caring of ways.
1.Many parents let their children call too many shots probably because ________.
A.they are cool and indifferent to their children
B.they want children to live with fewer rules
C.they are busy with meal options and so on
D.they believe it will lead to good outcomes
2.The psychologist Baumrind believes that ________.
A.children are definitely to be ruined by permissive parenting style
B.rules are absolutely prior to anything in authoritative parenting
C.authoritative parents have to let children live independently
D.an ideal way means giving children-controlled independence
3.From age 2 to 11, children usually ________.
A.do not have the ability to make decisions yet
B.have no idea of rules, limits or boundaries at all
C.need parents and teachers to draw lines for them
D.know how to steer themselves in right directions
4.To be a great boss to his/her children, a parent needs to ________.
A.micromanage everything or be unkind sometimes
B.guide children to success on the basis of deep love
C.win as many opportunities as possible to shine
D.let children know ''who is the boss'' in every way
5.What is the author's attitude towards parent's being in charge of children?
A.Supportive. B.Critical.
C.Ambiguous. D.Indifferent.
6.What can we learn from this passage?
A.Ideal parents arc those neither too permissive nor too controlling.
B.Children under age 11 should not be allowed to make decisions.
C.Psychologists show children's self-esteem is from independence.
D.Adults are responsible to teach children all the rules in real life.
Like most robots, social robots use artificial intelligence to decide how to act on information received through cameras and other sensors. The ability to respond in ways that seem lifelike has been informed by research into such issues as how perceptions (知觉) form, what constitutes social and emotional intelligence, and how people can infer others’ thoughts and feelings. Advances in Al have enabled designers to translate such psychological and neuroscientific insights into algorithms that allow robots to recognize voices, feces and emotions; interpret speech and gestures; respond appropriately to complex verbal and nonverbal cues; make eye contact; speak conversationally; and adapt to people’s needs by learning from feedback, rewards and criticisms.
A 47-inch humanoid (类人物) called Pepper (from SoftBank Robotics) recognizes faces and basic human emotions and engages in conversations via a touch screen in its “chest,” About 15,000 Peppers worldwide perform such services as hotel check-ins, airport customer service, shopping assistance and fast-food checkout. Temi (from Temi USA) and Loomo (Segway Robotics) are the next generation of personal assistants—like Amazon Echo and Google Home but mobile, providing a new level of functionality. Loomo, for instance, is not only a companion but can also transform on command into a scooter (小型摩托车) for transport.
Social robots have particular appeal for assisting the world’s growing elderly population. The PARO Therapeutic Robot (developed by Japan’s National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology), which looks like a seal, soft and cute, is meant to stimulate and reduce stress for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other patients in care facilities: it responds to its name by moving its head, and it cries for petting. Mabu (Catalia Health) engages patients, particularly the elderly, as a wellness aide, reminding them to take walks and medication and to call family members. Social robots are also gaining popularity with consumers as toys. Early attempts to include social behavior in toys, such as Hasbro’s Baby Alive and Sony’s AIBO robotic dog, had limited success. But both arc resurging (复活), and the most recent version of AIBO has advanced voice and gesture recognition, can be taught tricks and develops new behaviors based on previous interactions.
Worldwide sales of consumer robots reached an estimated $5.6 billion in 2018, and the market is expected to grow to $19 billion by the end of 2025, with more than 65 million robots sold a year. This trend may seem surprising given that multiple well-funded consumer robot companies, such as Jibo and Anki, have failed. But a wave of robots is lining up to take the place of old robots, including BUDDY (Blue Frog Robotics), a big-eyed mobile device that plays games in addition to acting as a personal assistant and providing home automation and security.
1.What does the first paragraph mainly talk about?
A.How social robots receive information.
B.What research has been conducted about social robots.
C.Why social robots can respond in lifelike ways.
D.How designers translate insights into social robots.
2.Examples are used in Paragraph 2 to show that social robots are ________.
A.filling an expanding variety of roles B.getting higher intelligence
C.interacting with people D.learning to respond in lifelike ways
3.According to the passage we know that ________.
A.social robots can have various forms and appearances
B.PARO can interact with people by moving its head like a dog
C.the most recent version of AIBO has achieved as great success as before
D.the sales of consumer robots have been increasing as ever expected
4.What is the best title for the passage?
A.More companies will invest on social robots.
B.Social robots play nicely with human beings.
C.Social robots have great effects on elder people’s life.
D.Artificial intelligence enables social robots to make decisions.
Psycholinguistics is a field at the intersection (交叉) of psychology and linguistics, and one if its recent discoveries is that the languages we speak influence our eye movements. For example, English speakers who hear candle often look at a candy because the two words share their first syllable. Research with speakers of different languages revealed that bilingual speakers not only look at words that share sounds in one language but also at words that share sounds across their two languages. When Russian-English bilinguals hear the English word marker, they also look at a stamp, because the Russian word for stamp is marka.
Even more surprising, speakers of different languages differ in their patterns of eye movements when no language is used at all. In a simple visual search task in which people had to find a previously seen object among other objects, their eyes moved differently depending on what languages they knew. For example, when looking for a clock, English speakers also looked at a cloud. Spanish speakers, on the other hand, when looking for the same clock, looked at a present, because the Spanish names for clock and present—reloj and regalo—overlap at their onset (开始) .
The story doesn't end there. Not only do the words we hear activate other, similar-sounding words—and not only do we look at objects whose names share sounds or letters even when no language is heard—but the translations of those names in other languages become activated as well in speakers of more than one language. For example when Spanish-English bilinguals hear the word duck in English, they also look at a shovel, because the translations of duck and shovel—pato and pala, respectively—overlap in Spanish.
Because of the way our brain organizes and processes linguistic and nonlinguistic information, a single word can set off a domino effect (多米诺效应) that cascades (像洪水般倾泻) throughout the cognitive system. And this interactivity and co-activation is not limited to spoken languages. Bilinguals of spoken and signed languages show co-activation as well. For example, bilinguals who know American Sign Language and English look at cheese when they hear the English word paper because cheese and paper share three of the four sign components in ASL (hand shape, location and orientation but not motion).
What do findings like these tell us? Not only is the language system thoroughly interactive with a high degree of co-activation across words and concepts, but it also impacts our processing in other areas such as vision, attention and cognitive control. As we go about our everyday lives, how our eyes move, what we look at and what we pay attention to are influenced in direct and measurable ways by the languages we speak.
The implications of these findings for applied settings range from consumer behavior (what we look at in a store) to the military (visual search in complex scenes) and art (what our eyes are drawn to). In other words, it is safe to say that the language you speak influences how you see the world not only figuratively (比喻地) but also quite literally, down to the mechanics of your eye movements.
1.What can we learn from Paragraph 3?
A.Languages we know determine our eye movements.
B.The words we hear remind us of similar words.
C.We look at objects even if no language is heard.
D.Translations of words in other languages can be activated.
2.According to Paragraph 4, the ''domino effect'' is caused by ________.
A.American Sign Language B.brain processes
C.oral languages D.co-activation
3.What can we learn from these findings?
A.Words are closely related to concepts in language system.
B.The combination of words and concepts activates language system.
C.The language we speak influences what we pay attention to.
D.What we speak in everyday lives controls how our eyes move.
EXPEDITION (探险) OVERVIEW
● Go on an early morning photo shoot in Lamar Valley, zooming in on wildlife against the sparkling snow.
● Capture (拍摄) unique angles on famous sites like Old Faithful geyser without the crowds and discover some of the park’s lesser known areas, exploring in the comfort of heated snow coaches.
● Learn about the reintroduction of Yellowstone’s wolves and meet a cinematographer who has produced films on the park and its wildlife for National Geographic.
ITINERARY
Yellowstone in winter is a photographer’s delight: mineral pools bum through the snow, revealing their gem-colored depths; waterfalls freeze mid-spill; and elk and moose stand out clearly against the glistening white landscape. Record the beauty of winter in our oldest national park, catching the interplay of steam and snow on Mammoth Hot Springs, and rising early for a sunrise photo shoot in the Lower Geyser Basin.
WHAT TO EXPECT
This trip has an activity rating of light. Travelers should be in good health and comfortable walking and sitting for extended periods. We travel through the park in heated snow coaches. Excursions include walking on boardwalks and on ice and snow at elevations between 8,000 and 11,000 feet. Minor changes to the daily itinerary may occur depending on location of wildlife.
ACCOMMODATIONS
We stay in comfortable |hotels, classic lodges within the park, and a traditional ranch.
WHAT’S INCLUDED
● Transfers upon arrival and departure
● Accommodations
● All tips
WHAT’S NOT INCLUDED
● Airfare to and from destination
● Visas
● Alcoholic beverages
1.A visitor to Yellowstone can ________.
A.record the unique angles with the crowds around
B.live in the high-ranked hotels during all the trip
C.calculate the depth of gem-colored mineral pools
D.enjoy the transfer service to and from destination
2.This article is mainly intended to ________.
A.advertise an expedition in Yellowstone in winter
B.emphasize the importance of wildlife protection in Yellowstone
C.uncover the secret of the interplay of snow and stream in Yellowstone
D.reveal the skills of photo shoot in Yellowstone in winter
A closet (储藏室) is a years - long collection of exactly what makes you the person you are. The _________ rose in my chest when my mom recently decided to move _________ it meant we would have to _________ out Dad's closet, nearly a decade after his death.
In the years after his death, I would sometimes walk into that closet. I had moved many miles away, starting a life elsewhere as my mom took pains to slowly _________ her home-sweeping away the dust of sadness, and making it once again a place for _________ and gathering.
In the closet, I could _________ the dad I had before he had a brain cancer. I _________ that would go away when my mom moved.
I rolled around _________ in bed. Could I stand to see this closet one last time before Mom moved? Would I find the _________ to help clear that stuff out?
Then, a __________: ''I had no idea, '' my mom said. ''I cleaned it out already. ''
The announcement knocked me sideways. What had she thrown out? Would seeing this __________ closet to which I’d __________ attributed such meaning jolt (震动) my heart and cause me to have a meltdown?
I flew home shortly thereafter, trying to keep my mind __________ it with fitful naps (打盹) on the plane. When I finally got through the front door, I knew where I was going: to see this empty closet that I swore would __________ me.
I pulled the doors open. What happened next __________ me: There was no panic—just __________. Sure, Dad's stuff was mostly __________, but I realized then that I didn't need to see it to __________ what we had. The objects were just an outer layer above the warm __________ I held within.
__________, clothes don't make the man, and though objects may help us tell a story, they are not stories themselves.
1.A.happiness B.relief C.tension D.mercy
2.A.if B.unless C.though D.because
3.A.pick B.clean C.find D.take
4.A.evolve B.design C.decorate D.love
5.A.depression B.warmth C.regret D.sleeping
6.A.support B.blame C.remember D.protect
7.A.anticipated B.confirmed C.swore D.worried
8.A.excitedly B.nervously C.mercifully D.hopelessly
9.A.strength B.chance C.privilege D.excuse
10.A.reply B.shock C.comfort D.blessing
11.A.outdated B.fashionable C.empty D.familiar
12.A.randomly B.openly C.secretly D.purposely
13.A.with B.off C.in D.to
14.A.crush B.raise C.heal D.astonish
15.A.surprised B.pressed C.frightened D.puzzled
16.A.excitement B.reluctance C.peace D.regret
17.A.worn B.sold C.gone D.left
18.A.discover B.understand C.abandon D.remember
19.A.services B.memories C.relationships D.events
20.A.Above all B.In addition C.By contrast D.After all
